Preparing for Grace's PDA Surgery

Tomorrow morning Grace will undergo PDA surgery to close her ductus. As I try to process this, I wrestle with conflicting emotions. The rationale-thinking teacher side of me reasons that this is fairly common surgery for premature babies. Everything Jeni and I have read indicates that this surgery has a high success rate and that children tolerate it well. Our doctor does not seem overly concerned about it. The nurses at St. Joe's don't seem terribly worried either. I've been told by some that this surgery has been likened to a tonsillectomy. Many people I know have undergone a wide array of surgeries and have been just fine. Jeni and I have had surgeries before and we're fine. Ben Sheets and Yovanni Gallardo, along with many members of my beloved Milwaukee Brewers have had surgeries, and return to playing professional baseball in a a matter of weeks. Surgery is just a part of the medical repertoire and is used to make people well.

Rational Will processes this information, looks at Grace's symptoms, notices that Grace is clearly uncomfortable on the breathing tube and thinks, "Thank God we are living in an age where we can do things to help these kids." This surgery could be the best thing to happen to Grace and a step in the right direction in aiding in her respiratory system's development and, ultimately, getting her home.

Surgery deals with anesthesia. Surgery deals with scalpels and cutting. Surgery leaves scars. Surgery is yuck! Over the past 19 days, I've realized that being a parent is not always rationale. Being a parent means constant worry, and for me, this worry centers around two very little people, the combined weight of which is less than 5 pounds, meaning that their combined weight is 1/12th the weight of Maggie our black lab. While I'm no math teacher, we can infer that these girls are teeny tiny!

Grace herself is a mere 2 pounds, 2 ounces. Grace is less than 3 weeks old. I have not held Grace yet. Grace looks fragile. Grace IS fragile. Grace is too small and too young to need surgery. There are possible complications with the surgery. And then the "what ifs" come, and we won't even go there.

So, tomorrow morning, I will go to St. Joe's with Jeni. We will sign the papers that need to be signed. We will visit with Grace. We will say a prayer. We will try to think rationally. We are parents- and admittedly, have challenges keeping sheerly to the logical/rationale side of things, so, chances are, we will worry.

As with anything in life, being in balance is important, and while it is hard to do so, striking a balance between the logical outcomes based on medical statistics and the emotional worry-based fears of being new parents will need to meet in the middle with, chances are, and Lord willing, a worrisome day for Mom and Dad which will result in a step in the right direction for Grace.