Day #6- Opening Day!

Hmmm... with me writing the blog for the past two days, guess what's back- gratuitous baseball references :). For several months, a good buddy of mine and I have had tickets for Brewers Opening Day. I requested to take one of my personal days from work (something I rarely do) in order to go and enjoy the pageantry that is Opening Day at Miller Park. I was somewhat apprehensive of going after yesterday's developments concerning the weight of the babies, but Jeni actually called my buddy Steve and insisted that I go to the game. While I wanted to stick around with Jeni and talk with a doctor friend of ours who was coming to visit, I took her advice and went to the game.

In hindsight I am so glad that I did. Watching the Brewers for a few hours made me think back to a more worry free time and did take my mind off of the stress of everything, at least for a little while. The Brewers won handedly today, 13-4. The game itself was rather worry-free. The Crew jumped out to an early lead, and there was never really any real concern of the Brewers surrendering that lead to the Giants. The more we talk to doctors, including our doctor friend, we continually hear that we should not be overly concerned about the weights. Metaphorically, perhaps we have a sizable lead with these babies all ready. The thing I continue to cherish from this whole experience is how every day is a gift. Every day gets us one day better than the day before, and ultimately one day closer to bringing our babies home.

Day #5- You Can't Win 'Em All

After a joyful day yesterday, Jeni was excited about her ultrasound appointment this morning. I eagerly awaited her to skype me with the results at school. When she and I connected, I received news that the larger of our two babies had gained a significant amount of weight, while the other baby has begun to lag. One baby is 2 pounds 1 ounce, and the other is 1 point 11 ounces, about 20% less than his/her brother/sister. When I was first given this news, I just about lost it.

"Come on," I thought to myself, "Can't we catch a break here?"

After further reflection, a couple of phone calls, debriefing with some friends, and some reassuring news from our primary doctor, I have come to peace with the fact that this news, while not what we hoped for, is not a major league cause for alarm. Granted, it took me the better part of the day to wrap my head around this fact.

Just as the Brewers dropped their game this afternoon to the Cubs with a disappointing 6-3 loss, today's ultrasound news certainly was not what we were hoping for. However, just as I had delusions of grandure of the Brewers winning all of their games, when reality sinks in, you realize that a baseball season is a marathon, not a sprint, and likewise, making it through this pregnancy is also a long process, filled with ups and downs- little losses, little gains, with nothing taken for granted. It is unrealistic for me not to think that there will be little issues along the way. As the two doctors we talked to stated, the gestational development is most important right now, and, overall, it's not a time to ring the alarms quite yet. We have another ultra sound in two weeks and the situation will be monitored from there. I am praying for the little one to keep growing- she/he was sure kicking up a storm tonight. If nothing else, I take a lot of comfort knowing that he/she is scrappy. Who knows, sometimes the teams that are scrappy are the ones that end up winning the most games down the road.

photo taken by Jamie Engber on Flickr

Day #4 - Rejoicing

I am finally beginning to really "get it." I've known in my head all along that we've got two babies on the way, but I think it's actually starting to sink in now. Having twins is such an incredible blessing and I have no idea how we got to have this amazing opportunity. I know all kinds of people who hope and pray for twins. I would have never even thought to hope or pray for twins, especially identical twins. Neither of us ever considered that we might have the chance to parent twins before that first ultrasound. All of a sudden, today, I was completely blown away by this idea and I give great thanks for our twins-to-be. It's scary thinking about actually having these two at home but I cannot imagine a greater thrill either.

Since finding out that we were pregnant in November, this is the first time that I've felt like I'm actually able to rejoice in what is to come. For the entire first trimester I worried about miscarriage, then we had about 4 weeks of pure joy, imagining the future for these babies. At about 18 weeks, our diagnosis came, and the worry that accompanied it was no match for those first trimester jitters. In the last few weeks, as this inpatient time came closer, Will and I each let ourselves get more and more hopeful. But not until today was I really able to say with confidence that these babies are coming home. As I lay here all day listening to the beautiful sound of our babies' heartbeats I am filled with joy. A huge weight has finally been lifted off of my shoulders and I'm no longer carrying the 700-pound gorilla of 50/50 odds of these babies making it. It's going to be a long road, but I'm finally letting myself rejoice without prefacing everything with "if everything goes okay." I'm ordering the nursery furniture tomorrow, complete with two cribs.

(Two cribs from flikr, taken by tigermatt)

Day #3 - Chase the Babies

(picture taken by nascity at Flickr.com)

Personally, I think sleep is a wonderful thing. I enjoy it very much: a cat nap on the couch, sleeping in on a Saturday morning, I don't mind even dosing off during a movie. Never have I been more grateful for sleep than I was last night. After a first night where all that came were a restless 2.5 hours of sleep, interrupted by constant clock watching and my wondering how it could possibly ONLY be 2:30 (or 3:00, 4:30, etc.) and being incredibly pleased to hear the alarm for Will to get up at 5:30. Last night, I gave in and took some sleep medication and managed to pull off a solid 6.5 hours of sleep. The babies must have been pleased with me, because they were kind enough to stay in their spots for the better part of the evening. I woke up feeling wonderfully refreshed and grateful for the gift of sleep.

The entire morning was a not-so-fun (for the nurses) game of chase the babies. For a good hour and a half, a team of nurses scooted around Jeni's belly, with the monitor full of goo, trying to get a couple of good heartbeats on the machine. Not once, but three times, did the nurses have to swap places after frustration took over. Finally, I was allowed up for a lukewarm shower after the nurses gave up trying to find the babies. Luckily, all afternoon, the little ones were much more cooperative and managed to stay put for about four hours, making Jeni and twins star patients. But now, we're back to our little game. I just wonder what these children will have in store for us on the other side...

Day #2- The Turquoise Goo

Anyone who has ever had an ultra sound knows about the "turquoise goo" the thick gelatin used to help the electronic connectors read the heart beats of the babies. The turquoise goo is comfortable enough during your one hour or less ultra sound (or so Jeni tells me), however it is quite another story being slathered in it the entire day. The goo is everywhere! It is all over Jeni's belly, sheets, pants, and shirt. The goo dries and looks like crusty toothpaste. While the babies behave themselves and stay on the monitors, the nurse does not have to come in and reposition the monitors, bringing forth a large dollop of the turquoise goo to be reapplied to my lovely wife's belly. However, as was the case at least a dozen times last night while we were trying to sleep, our active babies squirmed, poked and prodded their way away from the monitors, and more goo. Now, imagine trying to sleep, rest, or do just about anything else with all this going on. For this reason, Jeni has been anything but bored.

We are hoping, at least for the time being, to update the blog nightly to give some sort of recap of the day's events. Jeni has not been bored today. She had a luncheon with other in-patient women as was presented with gifts of little hats, a pregnancy calendar and a Winnie the Pooh book. This evening we got our first "in patient gift"- a wonderful book called Ma! There's Nothing To do In Here told from the perspective of a baby in the womb. It made us laugh out loud and imagine what it's like swimming around in a belly.

Overall, the day was pretty uneventful - just what we're looking for. We're hoping for many more uneventful days of Jeni sitting in the room at St. Joe's.

Over a Pound Each!

photo taken by jayjuice from the Flickr Strom Creative Commons.


Weight is such a relative concept... as adults we often want to lose weight and complain about being overweight. I, myself, find my weight fluctuating, gaining a pound or two one week, dropping two or three the next. For us older folks, a couple of pounds seem, for the most part, insignificant, aside from the comments one might hear regarding how, "I shouldn't eat that Cadberry Cream Egg... it will go straight to my thighs," or "I'll pass on that brownie- it will only add to my gut," or other like-minded remarks. When it comes to babies, however, little gains are a big deal in a good way. As we completed "Ultrasound IV" today, we learned that our babies had gained some serious weight. The larger of the two is 1 pound 7 ounces, and the smaller 1 pound 5 ounces. This is good news to us, the doctors and all involved. Yeah!

As with anything in this pregnancy, there is always something to worry about at the same time there is a reason for rejoicing. The cords of the babies have become quite tangled and intertwined. This is the major worry that we all have dealing with monoamiotic pregnancies. When asked what, if anything, can be done to help this, the doctor replied, "talk to the babies and ask them not to tangle each other up." Oddly enough, I make a point of doing this nightly, and have for several months (maybe it's working :) ).

Jeni and I made the collective decision to admit her in-patient at 26 weeks (the exact date will be Sunday March, 30th- 10 days away!). In a certain respect, I view this as nearing the end of round one, and feel a sense of almost excitement that we have made it this far. Our odds increase significantly once we go in patient. If there is a problem with cord entanglement, doctors can catch it right away and act on it by delivering the babies. Once in-patient, we just play the waiting game, hoping to keep the babies in Jeni as long as possible. Each day literally becomes a mile stone. If we can get to 28 weeks- good, 30 weeks- awesome, 32 weeks- amazing, etc.

Now, as one challenge begins to subside, another one looms on the horizon. (To reference my previous post where I draw a metaphor to the monamoniotic pregnancy and playing the Legend of Zelda, we are preparing for "Level Two.") Once Jeni goes in patient, our focus will shift from worrying about the babies to helping Jeni mentally endure a very boring and exhausting stretch of time. It is easy to say, "I'll get you books, bring you dinner, email/skype with you on the computer, and visit you daily in the hospital." It is another thing to be stuck in a situation where you have to be in the hospital, during your favorite time of year without the ability to care for yourself or do what you want to do. It is easy to talk about getting a cute trainer at the gym for you after your pregnancy. It is hard to think about your body undergoing muscle atrophy. I have told Jeni this probably a hundred times, "if I could carry the babies, I would." Unfortunately, as a man, that is just not an option. If you are reading this post and know Jeni at all, you realize that this is going to be a tremendously challenging and grueling process for her. Please be sure to keep her and our babies in your thoughts and prayers. Just 10 more days until in patient to go... and with this comes all the joy, sadness, frustration and unknown emotions that go along with it.

The Countdown to In Patient Time (and Countdown to Opening Day)

I have a very fun, energetic young man who comes into my classroom every day announcing how many days we have until opening day of the baseball season. As a die-hard Brewers fan, you can't help but smile at this guy's gusto to get the season underway. He and I both began our countdown soon after the Packers lost their NFC Championship game to the Giants (gosh, does that ever seem like ages ago).

One of the benefits of being a male teacher to 5th graders is that I am often looked to as the sports guru. While I have never run a sports talk show, I often get asked my opinions on all sorts of local sports related questions... "Who will win the NCAA men's tourney?" "Why are the Bucks not having a good season?" "Why did the Packers lose their championship playoff game?" "Who should be the Brewers top five starters?" "What spot in the batting order should we bat Prince Fielder?" The list goes on and on. Each day, before school, these and other topics are frequently discussed with the same amount of passion as one would get from call-in listeners to local radio shows.

With that in mind, I have started thinking about the "Milwaukee Brewers All-Star Countdown" to Jeni going in-patient (and the season starting). While not as in-depth as other entries on this blog, I hope that these posts provide my readers with the same sort of chuckles that my students give me with our before school sports talk sessions.

Today we are 17 days out, hence, I declare it "Jim Ganter Day." (Ganter, the Brewers second baseman throughout most of the '80's and early '90's was a popular player here in town and wore the #17). Ironically, as a kindergarten and first grade student growing up in Hales Corners, WI, I often would visit the Ganters home and play with their oldest daughter, Jamie who was my age. I remember them having a beautiful black lab named Sassy, and wearing a #17 Ganter shirt to the ball game one time in honor of my friend's dad when I was a little kindergartener. Ganter is a fitting player to start this "All Star Countdown!"

While Jeni and I are both rejoicing in the thought that she will be going into in-patient care soon, this is a bittersweet time for us both. The thought of Jeni being away in the hospital for possibly two months is hard to comprehend (both for her and for I for similar and different reasons). We are hoping an praying that the phrase "all's well that ends well" will take on a whole new meaning in the weeks and months ahead. We are approaching the start of level two of this experience, and we pray that all will continue to go well.

The Gantner autographed card photo is taken from the Midwest League Autographs webpage. Looking at those old cards sure do bring back memories.